Although you were unreasonably cold, outrageously expensive, and ridiculously small, I will remember you fondly.
See ya, John Street. It’s been a slice.
My ideas about nearly everything have evolved into an almost unrecognizable set of philosophies and beliefs. Somedays I wake up and hardly recognize myself at all. I have spent such a significant portion of my life thinking that someone outside of myself could carry me safely to where I need to be. I believed that pain didn’t need to exist if I didn’t want it to. Sadness was for suckers. These beliefs didn’t exactly feel natural, but I ignored the signs and signals and told myself that this is what happiness looked like. And just when I thought I’d figured out the ways of the world, my reality flipped upside down and I was left to make sense of a bent and distorted landscape. The changes kept coming and I kept changing too, manoeuvring around the new, transforming into someone else. I had no idea I was capable of simultaneously mending a broken heart, helping my best friend plan her wedding, moving to a new city, graduating, starting a new job, planning my next move, and falling in love again. And as challenging as they were, with each of these changes, something in me grew a little stronger. A little bolder. A little more confident.
Two major things I’m grateful to have (finally!) learned this past year: 1. Change isn’t completely evil. And, 2. I am enough.
It took a while, but I think I like this person I am becoming.