Someway, somehow I woke up a couple weeks ago and felt like myself again. Perhaps even a better, stronger, more confidant version of myself. I used to think that if I ever found myself in the position I am in right now I would be completely debilitated by my grief, but apparently I didn’t give myself enough credit. The fog is lifting, I’m adjusting, and I am putting myself back together again.
This is good, good stuff :
- Redreaming. I’ve gone back to the drawing board and begun to think about what I want next. I’m coming up with some pretty exciting and unexpected moves. I thought this would be a miserable thing to have to do, but I am finding it to be rather liberating. I’ve never before felt such clarity about who I am and what I want for myself.
- Taylor Swift and Fleetwood Mac on repeat. ALL. THE. TIME.
- My best friend recently became engaged to the man of her dreams and she asked me to be her maid of honour. We spent a couple hours in Chapters the other day, browsing through wedding books and an excess of bridal magazines. And next weekend we’re shopping for the dress. If you know me, even a bit, you’ll understand how (beyond) excited I am to be involved in this.
- Woody Allen movies and a strange, newly developed crush on Mr. Allen himself. Maybe it’s the glasses, or the geeky but charming high waisted trousers, or the neurotic behaviour. In any case, Manhattan and Annie Hall are two of my new favourite films.
- Super incredible friends and family who, on a daily basis, listen patiently, cheer me up, take me out, get me to just the right level of drunkenness, encourage and remind me of the truths I forget, and care and love so deeply, even when I feel completely unworthy of it. I am so thankful and overwhelmed by the generosity and support of these wonderful people.
- The over the top spending of invisible money. I justify this recklessness by telling myself that I’ve recently gone through something traumatic and I deserve it. With a credit card, all things are possible. (Don’t worry, Mum. I’m kidding. Kind of.)
- Expensive cocktails and cheap wine
- Hopping in the car on a whim and going somewhere far (enough) away. Across the border, on a ferry boat, to a purple house by the sea. Somewhere. Anywhere.
- Two weeks until I am snorkelling with sea turtles and rainbow fish in my new neon pink bikini. Hallelujah.
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I shot this entire roll using the wrong ASA setting. You’d think I was completely new at this, or I just had my heart broken, or something crazy… Despite the strange colouration, you get the point. This is what I’m looking at with new eyes these days.
Definite intrusion
On the corner of somewhere
What I really wanted was a fucking donut.
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A broken heart is a merciless thing. It hurts, always, but not quite enough to make functioning impossible. In the better moments, life goes on and so do you, even though you are unable to think or feel anything except that stupid, empty hurt. And then there is the “super hurt” that catches you by surprise, and is so painful it takes your breath away. These are the moments that leave you in tears while standing on the corner of Broadway and Cambie, or in the change room at Winners, or waiting in line at Whole Foods. The feeling never really ceases, it just varies in degrees of bearability.
I thought I knew, but I did not. And now I have to figure it out all over again.
Maybe, right now, I’m having one of those better moments, but whatever I’m feeling I’m holding onto it for dear life. I have faith that one day my heart will be glad again.
I’m moving forward with a hopeful heart, and somehow I know that that will be enough.
“I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart.”
Also.
Apparently armed with graduation request forms I am an invincible human being. Papers and presentations and projects are being hurled my way but I’m soaring past, unfazed. Strangers are asking me what I’m going to do with myself come August 3, where will I live, where will I work, when will I have babies (“just don’t wait to long!”) and I’m not batting an eyelash. I’ve got an exceptionally good feeling about what is yet to come. Over the weekend I somehow ended up on the jumbotron TWICE at the Canucks game… all crazy curly haired, oversized jersey, skinny legged, rosy-cheeked me. I’m taking it as a good omen. The end, my friends, is finally in sight. Finally.
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These pictures are brought to you by a trip to the Winter Farmer’s Market in Vancouver (every Saturday at Nat Bailey Stadium until April 28). I bought apples, which were spongy. But I redeemed said apples by hiding them in the depths of a rich almond cake. I’m sharing the recipe with you today too, cause you know, it is always a good time for cake and this one is especially tasty.
Whattup!
Apple Bounty
The prettiest cheeses in the world
Taco Time
DANG! Chili from Chili Tank + Cheddar Jalapeño Cornbread from Purebread
Chocolate or Jewels ?
Crapples are redeemed when arranged in a delicate manner on top of almond cake batter
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Posted by JBKlassy
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Around Here, FE, Film, Recipes/Foodies
Labels:Almond Apple Tart Cake, eat local, Film, graduation almost, Nikon FE, recipe, vancouver, Winter Market
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I only frequent diners with menu items that include pickled vegetables, crispy pork belly, and a sandwich combination of short ribs and brie. Hello Red Wagon.
Welcome to the Red Wagon
Of course the first thing I eye is a pie...
Zee Burgerz. With a hunk of deep fried mozzarella on top. Woah.
Smoked short rib and brie sandwich and fresh from the fryer chippies
We couldn't leave without tasting some pie!
And it was so good, we hurried to the source from whence it came (East Village Bakery) to pick up MORE treats
Cake Cake CAKE!
Red Wagon Cafe
2296 East Hastings Street
Vancouver, BC V5L 1V4
(604) 568-4565
